Top 5 Holiday Parenting Challenges & Tips, Part II: How a Therapist in Berkeley Helps Families Handle Hidden Holiday Stressors
by Robyn Ganeles, LMFT - Therapist in Berkeley
Last year around this time, I wrote Top 5 Holiday Parenting Challenges & Tips from a Therapist in Berkeley to help parents navigate the chaos of the season. Since then, many families I work with have shared that, while those five tips helped, there were still a few stressors that kept sneaking in. So this year I’m diving deeper into the hidden challenges that didn’t make it onto the holiday top 5 list last year, but often cause the most tension.
If your goal this season is to feel a little calmer, a little more connected, and a lot less frazzled, you’re in the right place.
1. Co-Parenting and Blended Family Logistics
Co-parenting around the holidays can make even the most well-intentioned parents feel like they need a project manager, a GPS, and a therapist on speed dial. Negotiating schedules, balancing traditions, and managing different parenting styles can be overwhelming.
If you’re in a blended family, you might be juggling whose house to visit, which holiday traditions to honor, and how to make everyone feel included, all while trying to preserve your own sanity. Kids, and teens in particular, may struggle with divided loyalties or feel guilty for wanting to spend time in one household over another.
The key is open, early communication and realistic expectations. Create a shared calendar with your co-parent so kids know what to expect. If tension starts rising, focus on what’s best for your child instead of what feels “fair.” When emotions run high, take a pause before responding. A text message written mid-frustration rarely helps anyone.
Most importantly, remind your kids and teens that their love for both parents is not a problem to solve. That reassurance alone can ease the emotional tug-of-war.
(Learn more about how Parent Counseling in Berkeley can help families navigate co-parenting with compassion.)
2. Grief, Loss, and the Myth of “Happy Holidays”
For many families, the holidays aren’t just stressful, they’re painful. If you’ve lost a loved one, are separated from family, or are struggling with major life transitions, this time of year can bring grief to the surface.
Kids and teens often sense these emotional undercurrents even if no one talks about them. They might act out, withdraw, or seem more irritable, not realizing they’re responding to a heavier emotional atmosphere. They may also be holding their own stress and grief and hiding it, so they don’t add to their parents’ overwhelm.
The truth is “happy holidays” can coexist with moments of sadness. You don’t have to perform joy to create connection. Talk openly (in age-appropriate ways) about the person or situation you’re missing. Invite your kids or teens to share their feelings, a favorite memory, or ritual that they’d like to do in that person’s honor.
It’s okay to scale back on events, gifts, or traditions if it helps you preserve emotional energy. Rest is not retreating, it’s resilience. And if grief feels too big to carry alone, reach out to someone else that you trust.
(Support for healing and emotional regulation is available through Anxiety Therapy Berkeley.)
3. Cultural and Religious Expectations
The holidays can bring deep joy, and deep tension, around cultural and religious traditions. In blended families or interfaith households, it’s common for parents to feel torn between honoring their heritage and creating new shared customs. Teens may resist traditions they once loved or question the meaning behind them as they form their own identities.
Start by acknowledging that it’s normal for traditions to evolve. Talk openly with your kids about what each ritual means to you. Ask what they’d like to keep, change, or add. For example, maybe lighting candles or cooking a family recipe together can hold meaning across generations and beliefs.
Remember that rituals are about connection, not perfection. It’s okay if your celebration doesn’t look like anyone else’s, or like what it used to. Being authentic and offering opportunities for your children to authentically share their thoughts, opinions, and suggestions, is a great way to make meaningful traditions that are unique to your family.
4. Social Media, Comparison, and the “Highlight Reel” Trap
Here’s a modern holiday truth: nothing will tank your mood faster than scrolling through perfectly curated family photos while you’re wearing pajamas and refereeing another family argument.
Social media amplifies comparison, especially during the holidays. Kids and teens may feel left out when they see peers posting about gifts, trips, or parties. Parents may feel inadequate seeing others’ picture-perfect traditions. The result? Pressure, self-doubt, and a nagging sense that everyone else is doing it “right.”
This is your gentle reminder that social media is a highlight reel, not a full story. Encourage your teens (and yourself) to take breaks from scrolling, especially when emotions feel heavy. If your teen is glued to their phone, use curiosity instead of criticism: “What’s coming up for you when you see those posts?”
And maybe take one candid family photo that captures the chaos and the connection. Those are the moments worth remembering.
(Explore how Teen Therapy Berkeley can help if your teen is emotionally overwhelmed or significantly impacted by the pressures of peers and social media.)
5. Supporting Sensitive or Neurodiverse Kids During Overstimulating Events
The holidays are a sensory overload waiting to happen. Bright lights, loud music, unfamiliar faces, new foods…it’s a lot. For kids and teens who are sensitive, anxious, or neurodiverse, this can lead to meltdowns or shutdowns faster than you can say “Dinner’s ready!”
Plan ahead by identifying triggers. If loud gatherings are stressful, build in quiet breaks. If transitions are hard, preview the day’s events and offer visual reminders (like a written schedule or calendar). Allow your child or teen to have a comfort item, noise-canceling headphones, or an “exit plan” if things feel overwhelming.
If extended family doesn’t understand, you can gently educate them: “We’re trying to help them feel safe and regulated today, so we might step out for a bit if it gets too noisy.”
Above all, validate your child’s experience. When they feel seen instead of shamed, their capacity to handle stimulation grows. You’re not “coddling” them, you’re helping their nervous system stay balanced in a world that often moves too fast.
(Explore how Parent Counseling Berkeley can help you support your child’s emotional and sensory needs.)
Carrying Compassion (and Humor) Into the Holidays
Parenting during the holidays is no small task. Between family dynamics, expectations, and emotional curveballs, it’s easy to lose sight of your own needs. But every time you pause to listen, laugh, or show compassion to your kids and to yourself, you’re strengthening your family’s emotional foundation.
If this season feels heavier than you expected, please remember: support is available. You don’t have to carry the weight of “holiday perfection” on your own. Working with a therapist in Berkeley who understands the ups and downs of parenting can help you find calm in the middle of the seasonal chaos.
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Therapist in Berkeley - Author Bio
Robyn Ganeles, LMFT, is a therapist in Berkeley specializing in anxiety, infertility, parenting, and adolescent mental health. With over 15 years of experience, she combines evidence-based practices with a warm, relational approach to help clients feel understood and empowered. Robyn is also a clinical supervisor at Seneca Family of Agencies and has presented at regional and national conferences on parenting, trauma, and school-based mental health. She holds an MA in Counseling Psychology (USF), an MFA from Yale, and a BA from UC Berkeley.