Why the Teen and Parent Relationship Can Be So Hard: Insights from a Therapist in Berkeley
By Robyn Ganeles, LMFT | Teen Therapist in Berkeley
You love your teen. But lately… things feel tense. Maybe it’s the silent treatment, the slammed doors, or the sarcastic comments. Maybe it's the constant arguing, or the way they seem to share everything with their friends but nothing with you.
If you feel like your connection with your teen has taken a nosedive, you are not alone. This is one of the most common reasons parents reach out to me as a therapist in Berkeley. The parent-teen relationship is full of love and, so often, full of friction.
So why is it so hard? And what can you do about it?
Let’s break it down.
Growing Brains, Changing Boundaries
First, it’s not your imagination, something really is shifting. Your child’s brain is under construction. During adolescence, the prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain responsible for decision-making, impulse control, and empathy) is still developing. Meanwhile, the emotional center of the brain, the amygdala, is fully online.
This means teens feel things intensely, react quickly, and often struggle to pause and think through consequences. It’s not about being difficult, it’s about being in development.
That said, none of this makes it easier when your once-snuggly kid starts treating you like the enemy.
Independence vs. Connection: The Teen Tug-of-War
Adolescence is a time of individuation, a fancy word for “figuring out who I am that’s different from my parents.” Teens are wired to start pulling away. It’s how they eventually launch into adulthood.
But this can feel painful and confusing for parents who still see their child as needing guidance, protection, and structure (which, by the way, they do). Your teen might push you away emotionally, even while relying on you more than they’d ever admit.
It’s a messy mix: They want freedom, but they also crave safety. They want privacy, but they also need support. And they don’t always have the language or self-awareness to navigate those needs smoothly.
Conflict Is Inevitable, But It Doesn’t Have to Be Destructive
Conflict isn’t a sign something’s wrong, it’s actually part of healthy adolescent development. But how you navigate it matters.
If yelling, slamming doors, or shutdowns are becoming the norm, therapy can help interrupt those patterns. In my parent therapy work, I help caregivers explore their own reactions, regulate in the moment, and shift from power struggles into more effective communication.
And with teen therapy in Berkeley, your teen gets a space where they can sort through emotions, practice expressing themselves, and start to see you less as the enemy and more as someone who’s actually on their team.
When Anxiety or Depression Complicates the Relationship
Sometimes what looks like “attitude” or “laziness” is actually anxiety, depression, or emotional dysregulation. Teens often don’t say, “I’m sad” or “I feel out of control.” Instead, they withdraw, snap, procrastinate, or scroll endlessly.
I help both teens and parents learn to see the why behind the behavior. Understanding what’s really going on can transform the dynamic from conflict to compassion.
How Therapy Strengthens the Teen-Parent Relationship
Here’s what therapy can offer for both you and your teen:
A safe space for your teen to process emotions without worrying about “disappointing” you
Support for you as a parent to understand what’s really going on beneath the surface
Tools for communication that reduce fights and increase connection
Help building trust back into the relationship after a rough patch
Structure and support for teens feeling overwhelmed by school, friendships, identity, or expectations
Therapy isn’t about “fixing” your teen, it’s about helping both of you feel more understood and better equipped to handle hard moments together.
You Don’t Have to Navigate This Alone
The teen years are intense, for them and for you. If you're feeling like you’re walking on eggshells, second-guessing your parenting, or just missing the connection you once had, you're not alone.
As a therapist in Berkeley, I help teens and their parents find ways to reconnect, communicate, and navigate this time with more confidence and compassion. Together, we can shift from constant conflict to greater understanding, one conversation at a time.
Ready to Rebuild Your Relationship?
If you’re feeling stuck, reactive, or just unsure of how to reach your teen, I’d love to help. I offer a free 15-minute phone consultation where we can talk about what’s going on and how therapy might support you and your family.
👉 Schedule your free consult today — let’s figure this out together.
Therapist in Berkeley - Author Bio
Robyn Ganeles, LMFT, is a therapist in Berkeley specializing in anxiety, infertility, parenting, and adolescent mental health. With over 15 years of experience, she combines evidence-based practices with a warm, relational approach to help clients feel understood and empowered. Robyn is also a clinical supervisor at Seneca Family of Agencies and has presented at regional and national conferences on parenting, trauma, and school-based mental health. She holds an MA in Counseling Psychology (USF), an MFA from Yale, and a BA from UC Berkeley.